99% of employee and management performance assessment practices in place at companies should come with explicit health warnings in large letters on every page. They are a waste of management time, promote employee dissatisfaction, are de-motivating, and, rarely perceived as fair. To add insult to injury - current practices, which are putting up a front of respectability, applicability,  and relevance, are simply not fulfilling the critical requirement of measuring and timely reporting on the actual performance of staff and management. This paper argues the case for completely re-thinking the underlying concepts.